I wasn’t happy…that was not a surprise to me or probably anyone else. The exception of course being my husband at the time who was “fine”. Isn’t that a female term that causes men to fear that however they respond it will be wrong?
The dilemma? To stay in my marriage for the sake of my children and because I made a commitment OR to stand up and say that this wasn’t working and would never work.
I know I am not alone…trust me. I see people every day in my office struggling with the same thing.
- Can I do this alone?
- How do I not tuck my kids in every night and kiss them every morning?
- Will there be enough money?
- Will my ex be ok?
- Is this just how married life is?
- Am I going to screw up my kid’s life?
You do not wake up one morning and decide that you are going to get a divorce out of the blue. Most people struggle with this decision for years. Some couples talk about it, some hide it and some go to counselling.
Truth be told – I put more thought into getting divorced than I did into getting married. Scary thought! I thought through the children’s issues, the financial issues, the timing and everything in between. What I hadn’t factored in was the anger, frustration and pure hatred that I received from my ex. You really can’t plan for that or the destruction it can bring.
Perhaps more honesty, planning and discussion beforehand would have saved the 4 of us (yes our kids included) from the hell we went through.
So do you stay in a marriage that does not make you happy, does not model a loving relationship to your kids and does not allow you to grow and be you; OR Do you focus on the commitment that you made and try to make it work? That is the million dollar question!!!
Everyone has their own beliefs, opinions and feelings on this topic. I am not promoting one answer over the other, I am simply sharing my choice. It took a great deal of courage to divorce and it’s important for me to get out this simple message…Divorce is not always a failure, sometimes it is a great success.
Julie Gill Q.Med CDFA
Mediator & Owner, Families First Mediation